You take it, and you take it
And you learn,
You learn all too well,
So that later, when there's nobody to dish it out,
You can punch yourself in the gut
And take it some more.

The best part is,
With training and practice,
You learn your own soft spots and weaknesses,
So that you become your own best tormentor.

Double up over the pain and swallow.
It'll still be there tomorrow,
Waiting for you.

suicide note

Sorry! For all i've done,
I won't get in your way.
and by the time you read this,
On my death bed i'll lay.

I'm worthless and lonely,
So i think this is for the best.
I needed to kill myself,
and put myself at rest.

Not like anyone will care,
Or anyone will bother.
I was just a silly kid,
who was hated by his mother.

I do not want a funeral,
Don't go the expense.
Just chuck me away in the rubbish,
You know that it makes sense.

Give all my stuff to the poor,
and burn all the pictures of me.
I don't want anyone to know,
That i've been so cowardly.

devils kiss

Steel, Metal, Sharp
Release my pain.
Everything to gain,
Blood red sins poor out of me.

The throbbing feels good,
Wanting more.
Cutting deeper,
Feeling weaker.

Feeling faint,
Love this game.
Deserving this,
Devils kiss.

unbearable pain

in a state of deppression,
i try to clear my mind
sanity is barely visible,
common sense is hard to find
the pain is so unbearable,
sometimes i want to die
all that i can do,
is lay in bed and cry
i need someone to trust,
a true friend
maybe they can help me,
put this suffering to an end
my mind is going blank,
my memory turning hazy
if i don't find somoene soon,
i think i might go crazy
the pain is quickly growing now,
i'm feeling kind of weak
someone needs to be there for me,
love is all i seek
i look at the shiney blade,
stained by my tears
thinking about life,
and how this would end all fears
i pressed the knife into my wrist,
and watched the blood pour out
my mother came running in,
when she heard my painful shout
but it was too late,
i was going to die
she fell to the floor,
and began to cry
"why?!"she screamed,
"it's better like this."i said
by the time the medics got there,
i was already dead.
My Last Breath
I open my eyes
I take my last breath
Surrounded by unfamiliar faces
I try to scream
But nothing comes out
I’m sick of this life
I just want to die
Nothing’s going right anymore
It’s all the same lies
All the fake smiles and "hellos".

Seems like a dream
Like I’m living in this land
Of false hopes and dreams
No on understands why
Why I’m this way
They all think I just want pity and attention
And they all act like I’m an outsider
They all see me as separate from the crowd
And they all treat me like that too.

How can they be so fake?
How can they act so better than me?
(when they’re not)
Its like I’m behind a one way mirror
And even though I can see
And hear everyone else
Its as if no one can see or hear me
And when I try to speak
The words,
They never seem to come out
And no one even bothers to listen.

ITS BULL SHIT!!!

I’m so sick of it all
Why can’t things just be like they used to?
So simple and everything seemed to fit.

But now things are so
Complex and nothing
Seems to fit
It all just seems so difficult.

My vision is blurred
I just can’t take it anymore.
I’m breaking down
I want to run away from this life
I don’t want to face tomorrow
I just wish that
Tomorrow would never come for me
I feel so out of place
Like I just don’t belong
And no one understands me
Not that anyone would
Because you don’t know
What its like
To be
Me

As I lay here now
In this pine box
I see everyone I have ever met
And they’re all looking down on me,
Like they always did.

Now that they’ve got their way
And I’m laying here dead
About to go six feet under,
They begin to cry and console one another
And I wonder…
Do they really care?
Was I wrong all along?
Was I really not an outsider?
Did I really have to end my life?
And then, as they depart,
It all goes back to the way it was
Before I took…
My Last Breath.

Good-bye
The day has come to say good-bye
There are no more tears left to cry
It's a day I hoped would never come
But here we are not 2 but 1
I loved you with all my heart
I hate that we now must part
But I know i'll see you again
In heaven is were we'll meet my friend.

Vampire's Lust
deaths sweet song ring in my ear
controlling all that I want to hear
echoing deeper throughout my soul
filling ever crevice and hole
the mouth speaks of blood
and eye wish to see its flood
the hands grab there tools
making use of all our rules
covering first all of the path
then striking so they can fell our wrath
the sweet nector begins its flow
pouring faster with every blow
the screams start to sear our ear
but we smile from what we hear
our job is almost done
we have finished with our fun
now for our final strike
you become dry and empty from our bite

my wrists bleed suicide red
my throat swallows stainless steel
these drugs are finally sedating
and the girl who once owned this bleeding heart
is now half way around the world...
better off without me
tonight, i don't think i'm gonna make it
no...tonight i don't think i'm gonna make it
because Mary is gone
Jesus us dead
and God called in sick today...

my face burns and i've been sitting here for the last hour
trying to remove the skin from underneath my fingernails
my head throbes and i can see the trail of blood on my wall
left from today's daily beating
my eyes are sore and swollen shut
but i know for a fact that i am here...
all by myself
i'm going to die alone tonight
yes...i have this feeling that i'm going to die alone tonight
because Mary is somewhere out there
Jesus is in heaven
and God called in sick today

God...if you can hear me
please give me the strength to pull this trigger
i wasn't much fun to be with anyway
just let it all end here
with a match to burn in my name
and may we never speak it again
after i bite the bullet...
BAM! (sound of gun going off)
...i guess God didn't call in sick today...

I question myself, why do I live
I have nothing to offer I have nothing to give

Nobody cares whether I live or I die
And nobody comforts me when I begin to cry

I have no true value and nothing of worth
My life has been cursed since the day of my birth

So I sit in remorse and throw curses at my name
I thought it would be different but everyday is the same

So one last question before grabbing this knife
Should I end all my suffering and take my own life?

Why shouldn’t I die I , I have nothing left to give
I’m sick of all my troubles I no longer wish to live

I ask myself everyday for the reasons behind my birth
I have no point in living my life holds nothing of worth

My soul is no longer with me it has left by body abandoned
And so now the thoughts of death becomes my only companion

Sick of hiding behind a smile and living out a lie
Tired of all the times when all I did was cry

All the broken promises and the misguided lies
All the ways that I’ve been hurt right before my eyes

No longer want to live it or even think about tomorrow
Cause with every passing day my life only brings more sorrow

The questions that I ask cut me like a razor to the wrist
Wondering on the thoughts and if I’ll even be missed

But I no longer care or even wish to see
I only want to end it all and let life go on without me

I can almost hear the silence as all the light fades away
I see a dimful light ahead I no longer have to stay

Leaving behind me nothing at all and to come back I would never
Nothing left to regret I now close my eyes forever

did I do it again,
was I worthless to another,
I guess it is true,
just a stone to step on
and then forget,
my purpose is meaningless
and my life as well,
the threads of sanity
slowly unravel,
the one that would never leave
has left me,
my worthlessness sinks in
leave me here
forget about me
never look back
at the streams of blood
that will flow from my body
forgive me and forget me
my living days are over

Eternal and victorious my strength flows
rich in blood the skin of my body glows
I seek life and extinguish the fire
the soul of the body burning with desire,
feeling the breath escaping from lips pure and fine
the last heartbeat stopping forever in time.

The carcass I then lay down to sleep
and watch secretly as families weep
I see tears falling from soulful eyes
watching with glee as they say their goodbyes,
many rivers red I have made flood
my pores I have steeped in innocent's blood.

Every dark night you will find me
I come into your homes dancing with glee,
the young the old I don't really care
the Spirit from your body I will tear,
you can never run, you can never hide
for all of you I will take in my stride.

War and famine the innocent's plight
disease and decay, Oh what a sight
Fight! I like to see you play that game
though in the end it remains the same,
your mortality fills me with power
as I pluck you like a little flower.

I am the footsteps walking behind you,
I am the knife that you feel go through,
I am the bullet that enters the brain,
I am the explosion that speaks my name,
I am the friend that you call Death,
see me as you draw your final breath.

The angel of death has visited me this day,
Whispering in my ear what shall come my way.

The angel whispers dark unimaginable things in my ear,
Releasing from me all of my darkest fears.

But there is nothing I can do to stop this from coming to my door,
So I guess till it all comes about I'm deaths little whore.

I tell the angel to get the fuck out of my sight,
I am staying right here and I'm going to put up a fight.

With eyes of fire, smile of pure evil delight,
The angel of death told me of my final plight.

Words of hate began to fill my ears,
As they do I can feel them bring forth tears.

I try to ignore this ungodly angel of death,
I promise to fight this fucker till my very last breath.

He trys to bear down and attack my mind,
But I gather all my power and leave him far behind.

Angel of death you fucken piece of shit I scream,
You are nothing to me but a horrible dream.

I spit on your words and I spit in your face,
If you don't leave now I will kick your ass all over the place.

I start to walk away because I'm sick of this fucken shit,
The angel of death sees this and decides to take a hit.

Bearing down upon me he trys to enter my soul,
I can feel the evil start to enter and take absolute control.

I screamed out loud as images of hate started to fill my head,
Angel I said you can not have me I would rather be dead.

I pull out the knife from my pocket and watch it gleam in the light,
I start to press it to my chest as my body and soul being to fight.

The evil laugh of death begins to fill every corner of my mind,
I find myself backed up against the wall in a terrible bind.

Pushed down to the ground on my knees I begin to crawl,
I can sense that my world is going to collapse and fall.

The angel of death begins to scream in my mind,
You are mine forever till the very end of time.

Unable to take any more of the suffering that was being forced upon me,
I did the only thing that would let my mind finally be.

On my knees with the knife in my hand,
I put it to my throat and let my blood spill onto the land.

The angel of death appears again before my eyes,
I told you he said it was your time to die.

accept my sorry with my tears

everyone i have ever loved turned there backs on me
they no, im just a let down
the person i loved the most wont even talk to me
she now thinks im crazy
"so for every problem your faced with your going to turn to cutting?"
i hurt you, i hurt myself
just save me from myself
i give into urges, im fukin weak as hell
i might do this all for attention as well
everyone has had enough of my complaining
but in my head its always raining
why cant i ever be the stronger one
why cant i ever say no
what kills the most is that i was the one that pushed him away
it seems hopeless
as if im hopeless
i cry, i cut
you frown, i let you down
i say ill stop i wish i could
if i were much stronger oh god i would
it hurts the most to know ive failed
ive fuckin failed you
you were all i cared about
now you want nothing to do with me
id say forgive me
but you have many times before
you helped me time and time again
i want you to know you were always my sweetest friend
it kills me inside to know
how ive hurt you
how ive upset you
how ive let you down
at least talk to me....
please..
im sorry
i say sorry in a shaky voice
i know i made the wrong choice
i mean im sorry with my tears
losing you was my biggest fear
i say sorry with my blood
im on my knees, im crying, im shaking
i let you down
the only one i ever loved
im sorry...
when i hurt myself, i hurt you much more..
but a simple bullet in my head will solve everything

Her family was fighting again
Who could stop this pain
Her mother was screaming again
While her dad just stood and took it
He waited his turn, like a boxing match
Where he could hopefully knock his fucking wife out
Who could stop this pain?

She thought about the problem
Came up with an idea
So slowly she went out to the barn
With a rope in hand
As she jumped onto the hay
And hit it as hard as she can
She griped the idea till her hands bled

She took the rope and threw it over
Tehre were a few wooden rafters up there
Tied a knot and pulled it tight
She didnt want to slip yet and blow it
As she put it around her neck she thought again
"This will fucking stop them.. At least for a while"
It's just sad she thought she had to die

She jumped off her only hope
Leaving her fears behind
Clawed at her neck as she grasped for breath
Her great idea was leaving her, goodbye.
Lights slowly faded..or maybe her eyes closed
And she felt her fucking peace
Through death that's ice cold

I want to save you
Let me break your rope
I want to save you
Let me take you home

The bell sounded and her parents went to their corners
Her mother had a black eye
Her dad was cut by a vase
They didnt give a damn right now
Where their kid had gone
But they didnt know she threw it all away
With one leap of teenage naive faith
She threw their lives away

You see she had a baby brother
He was wondering around the night
He happened to go to the barn
To get his toy soldiers he left
When he looked up, the rope still creaking
...He thought his sister was in a weird position to take a nap
He called to her.. called her name
She must of been sleeping good this time

He wants to save you
He wants you to wake up
He wants to save you
He doesn't think you're a fuck up

The next morning it was time for school
Both the kids were not in their beds
The mother Looked outside
Expecting them to be playing somewhere
The father didnt give a shit
He just read his paper there
She called the police in a hurry
And they came running to the rescue

They were too late this time
They found the sister in the air
She was smiling and limp
What took them longer to see, though
Was a smaller figure down below
The little baby died sleeping
Sleeping by his sleeping sister
Cuddled in the straw in the cold snow

Broken homes
And broken lives
All gone down the Drain

Broken hearts
And broken thoughts
Who will stop the pain

He wanted to save you
They all did, you know
No one wanted you to die
Out in the fucking snow

At least you did one thing right, girl
You got them to stop the fight
But you started a revolution
In your house that night

The father popped some pills
Pussy died in his sleep
The mother is still alive
But her problems run too deep

Just becaue of a few little fights
The mother has to always live
Knowing her babies wont come home
And her husband wouldnt give

He was not as strong as her
He pissed away his life
But she doesnt have the guts
To pick up a damn knife

I want to save you all
Rewind the fucking time
But I guess It cant happen
You all lost your prime

Don't Cry For Me

Break me down
To the ground
Don't try picking me up
This is where I'm bound.

I fell here long ago
This place just called to me
People see me as trapped inside
But I am already free

This place was my destiny
I was not conned into coming here
Do not fear this place where I am
All you're loved ones are near

This place makes you sad
This is where you'll be lead
And so don't cry for me,
I'm already dead

this is the third meal, i havent kept down
im insecure? im not pretty? im not perfect?
sick to my stomach with poisoned lies you feed me
i search continuously, for something...anything...
some sign of hope. forgiveness. acceptance
but again and again my flame of hope is drowned, and i, so lost, amd let down
this is the second time, ive tried to o-d
package-read one, but i took thirty-three
i didnt die unfortunately
im still alive, breathing, hurting, Melloncholly
what the fuck i was supposed to die
i mean isnt that right, wasnt i?
this is the sixth time i barely missed
my vein where i could simply bleed to death
id watch the blood, pour right out
my lifes got to get better not worse, i have no doubts
my pain is gone, my tears are dried
i still keep bleeding altho ive died
i dream of death
its ice cold feeling
so comforting, relieving, forgiving and healing
im still alive right?
im still here...
being injected with my biggest fear
so close to death, yet i am so far away
i have to live with this shit another day?
im not giving up no matter what you say...
i can feel it, good bye, today is my day....

blood for the broken its not my fault
i sleep with a gun in my mouth
a noose around my neck
the razor gliding gently across my wrist
its not my fault
pain is pleasure
to bleed to dream of dying causing relief of existance
i hold my breath, i try not to breath
the icy cold chill gives me comforting feelings.....of death
my only salvation
why do people kill themselves? what a waste of a life
shut the fuck up
you dont feel the way i do
the pain inside that i live with everyday
sorrow and sadness
abandonment and deception
Abuse for the weak
Sin for the rebelious
Tears for the unsteady
Blood for the broken
im tattered and torn
im bruised and beaten
i thank you for everything you never did
i also thank you for never takinf me seriously when i said i did not wish to live
you never would believe me
no matter how many times i bled
you sure better fucking believe me now...but its to late im dead
im hanging from a noose
its much to late to try to save me now
theres no use to cut me loose...

If god existed, why follow him?
Why be under a tyrants rule than such, to be free?
I gave him my thoughts,
I gave him my heart,
He gave destruction,
He gave death.
Why keep being God's slave?
Why keep trying to pray for him, if he gave only sorrow?
God will die,
His angels will die,
If they can't die,
I will kill myself.
Unlike an intron,
l will be remembered,
but by who?
by who?
will l be remembered,
as an exon?

Emotional High
I'm so angry
Just let me die
Get me off
This emotional high.

I'm so mad
Want to kill
Adrenaline rush
It'd be a thrill.

Short and sweet
Do it fast
Or nice and slow
Make it last.

Take this rope
Make a noose
Tie it tight
Don't make it loose.

Hang me up
And take the chair
Then turn and leave
Don't stop and stare.

On second thought
That'd be no fun
Forget the rope
Grab a gun.

Take an aim
Don't start to doubt
One good shot
Make it count.

If that's too much
Take this knife
Slit my throat
Take my life.

Tears of rage
Gritting teeth
I hate myself
With disbelief.

So here I sit all alone
GOD HATES ME...
You're all out having fun
GOD HATES ME...
Nothing seems to matter but your own happy little life
GOD HATES ME...
All you're worried about is yourself and staying away from me
GOD HATES ME...
When you are near me you ignore me
GOD HATES ME...
You ask me what's wrong yet you honestly don't give two shits
GOD HATES ME...
When I respond with, "nothing," you just shrug and walk away
GOD HATES ME...
When you see me sitting alone, crying, you ignore me yet again
GOD HATES ME...
When you get bored doing what you're always so "busy" doing, you come up to me and ask, "what's wrong?"
GOD HATES ME...
Knowing the answer, you stand there pretending to listen and care as if you were my friend
GOD HATES ME...
Then when you see my face on the news as "yet another teenage suicide", you think to yourself, "she said there was nothing wrong" and you just shrug and walk away
GOD HATES ME...
Then when you go back to your white pearly gates and see me standing there alone with my face in my hands, you ask me, "what's wrong?"
GOD HATES ME...
Again I answer, "nothing!"
GOD HATES ME...
But this time, this time it's different, I'm the one who shrugs and walks away
GOD HATES ME...
I shrug and walk away as you condemn me to another eternity in hell
GOD HATES ME...
No matter, for hell...hell is my home...my home is not here with you...why you ask?
YOU HATE ME!
That's why...